By the Candlelight



I have a question for you, how has your khusho’ (devotion/tranquility) been lately in your prayers?

I feel like such an ‘adult’ when i see this but life as we get older gets so hectic and busy. When i used to hear people say “I have no time!!!” i never got it.. but now i do. But that sadly has personally taken a toll on me, and especially as my duty as a muslim and my relationship with Allah سبحانه وتعالى .

I know many of us have had phases in our lives where we suddenly feel so distant from Allah سبحانه وتعالى. We all want to be the best we can but then forget the smallest and most important of things that will get us where we want.

But then yesterday i got to a point where i just needed a break. I needed it forreal.

So before i went to bed i lit up the candles in my room, got into matching salah outfit, and turned off the lights. I decided to pray out loud and actually feel like this prayer is what will be my ticket to paradise.

I haven’t prayed such a beautiful prayer in such a long time.

Take time to remember Allah, and remember that tasting the sweetness of prayer is what keeps us strong. Try it. Pray in a different area, read a longer verse, turn off lights and light a candle.



To Him we belong, and to Him we will return


For the past two months, my great aunt got severely sick. She got sick to a point where she was to be in bed care till the day she passed. My aunt lived at my grandparents house, so i really considered her my grandma. I would sit with her daily, reading, studying, sleeping, watching movies, anything, but beside her. We learnt to cope with her at my grandparents house. She brought such a peaceful vibe, even though she was dying in front of our eyes. 

I spent studying my finals beside her mostly. I felt as though the angels of heaven surrounded her in the room, and i would get so much done, in an unbelievable fast way. 

I learnt to love someone i never knew till a few years ago. Someone who only lived with my grandparents for two months. 

Somedays she would be beautiful, and full of spirit, she would hold a glass of tea alone and drink it. And other days… she would have many tubes stuck into her, and so lifeless…

I never understood the verses in the quran about how Allah grants ‘life’ after ‘death’ in the way i understood them during this time. Amto would be so tired, and we would sit around prepared that any moment it would all be over, then suddenly she would be full of life, and able to move her arms or try to talk to us. 

I remember how happy we would get. We would take videos, and clap.

But it got to a point where it was her time to go. She got so sick we had to take her to the ICU. I still won’t forget the way she laid lifeless in the bed. It was my first time to spend a day at the ICU. The room seemed so loud with all those beeping heart rates and what not… she was dying..

I went home that day, and everytime the phone rang we didn’t want to hear the news…

Jan 27 2014 was the last time i saw my aunt. The last time i got to see the most beautiful thing that ever happened to us. The women who was so quiet and so polite that changed all our lives. She came to Jordan to be cured, to the country where all her siblings and nieces and nephews lived. If she were to die in Palestine, she wouldn’t have had anyone..


No soul can ever die except with the permission of Allah, and at an appointed time. [3:145]

They say her janazah was as big as a wedding. People who haven’t been in touch for 30 years saw each other at her funeral. SubhanAllah the life she granted people after her death, the ties of kinship that were brought back was all because of her pure heart and good will.

I ask Allah to grant her jannatul firdous, to allow her to be at ease after all the pain she went through during her comma. I ask Allah to grant us people to take care of us if we become old and ill and lifeless. I ask Allah alwadood to allow the ones we love to be the closest to us on our death beds.


And it is also the fact that the kingdom of the heavens and the earth belongs to Him: he ordains life and death: and you have neither any helper nor protector to rescue yourself from Him. [9:116]

Asma al-Beltaji


My beloved daughter and dignified teacher Asma al-Beltaji; I do not say goodbye to you; I say tomorrow we shall meet again.

You have lived with your head held high, rebellious against tyranny and shackles and loving freedom. You have lived as a silent seeker of new horizons to rebuild this nation to assume its place among civilizations.

You never occupied yourself with what preoccupies those of your age. Even though traditional studies failed to fulfil your aspirations and interest; you have always been the first in your class.

I have not had enough of your precious company in this short life, especially that my time did not allow me to enjoy your companionship. The last time we sat together at Rabaa Al Adawiya square you asked me “even when you are with us you are busy” and I told you “it seems that this life will not be enough to enjoy each other’s company so I pray to God that we enjoy our companionship in paradise.”

Two nights before you were murdered I saw you in my dream in a white wedding dress and you were an icon of beauty. When you lay next to me I asked you “Is it your wedding night?” You answered, “It is in the noon not the evening”. When they told me you were murdered on Wednesday afternoon I understood what you meant and I knew God had accepted your soul as a martyr. You strengthened my belief that we are on the truth and our enemy is on falsehood.

It caused me severe pain not to be at your last farewell and see you for the last time; not to kiss your forehead; and not be honoured to lead your funeral prayer. I swear to God, my darling I was not afraid for my life or from an unjust prison, but I wanted to carry the message you scarified your soul for; to complete the revolution, to win and achieve its objectives.

Your soul has been elevated with your head held high resisting the tyrants. The treacherous bullets have hit you in the chest. What spectacularly determined and pure soul. I am confident that you were honest to God and He has chosen you among us to honour you with sacrifice.

Finally, my beloved daughter and dignified teacher:

I do not say goodbye, but I say farewell. We shall meet soon with our beloved Prophet and his companions in Heaven where our wish to enjoy each other’s company and our loved ones’ company will come true.




You can try to brain wash me with your political view, and i don’t really like getting into political discussions, but how the heck do people just casually say ‘Well, they deserve it.’ 

Whether it be the catastrophes happening in Syria, and the massacres in Egypt, how does anyone deserve it. 

Ya jama3a, where has humanity gone?!! 

Its not about the muslim brotherhood, its about the literal human brotherhood that we have forgot and abandoned… seeing all these people killed by chemical weapons, or bearded men shot in their face for their appearance, they are still humans.

Families are being destroyed, fathers shot, brothers, sons, wives, sisters… 

After i saw the peaceful rally in Alqasa, where everyone came out just praying for the peace of the ummah, just to see the end of the mass deaths it really put a smile on my face.. Falesteen has been aching for 60+ years… and yet its humanity that brought them out to ask Allah for His aid.. and that is what we should be doing.

Ya rabbi, ya jabbar, ease the aching hearts of those whom are loosing their loved ones, and spread your mercy on those who’ve lost their lives.. and grant justice in the lands.

متى نصر الله… الا إن نصر الله قريب



In a couple minutes i turn 20 years old. Woah. InshaAllah… But seriously when did this happen!!

It really makes you look back at life. Its like every birthday i remember the year that passed .. Evaluate my life. Have i come closer to Allah or am i at the same point or has it decreased.

Every time Allah grants you another year yet alone a day its another chance to make tawabah, another chance to do what we havent been able too. Another chance at life.

Twenty years…

What do you proclaim?


“In our Sujood we proclaim سبحان ربِّيَ ألأعلى – Glory be to Allah The Most High. We do this with our forehead pressed to the floor (a place that people just walked on). We take what we hold so proudly and take such care of and we place it on the ground.


Now as we are rising, we are proclaiming الله اكبر – Allah is GREATER.
As we are getting up from sujood we are reminding ourselves that Allah is Greater. 2 seconds ago with our forehead to the ground we proclaimed: Glory be to Allah the Most High. While getting up from sujood we are reminding ourselves, it doesn’t matter how high up we get, physical, spiritual, monetary,etc.. Allah is Greater.

Allah is reminding us: PUT YOURSELF IN CHECK : that floor you just raised your head from, I created you from it, and I will return you to it. So never for a second forget that Allah is Greater.

How often do we prefer what we want over what Allah swt wants us to do?(when we commit such acts, we are proclaiming with our actions: I am greater, my needs are greater.)

How can we do such a thing!

That’s what Adam a.s. and Hawwa a.s. realized when they committed that act of disobedience and Tawbah granted them the ability to get closer to Allah once again.”